Valentine’s Day Advice – Match the Gift to the Person(ality)

Is Valentine’s Day still relevant or an anachronism? Do people really care about it? What is good Valentine’s Day Advice?

I say “Poo-Poo Valentine’s at your own peril.”

Articles abound on the disappointment people express about the way their lovers, spouses, and partners celebrated with them. Whether it was a gift, an outing, a romantic or thrilling night out, Valentine’s day is about feelings and caring. And need I say more about the emphasis on Emotional Intelligence nowadays? (And yet, was it ever not important?)

For example, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Ivanka Trump, and Oprah are all women who would like a great Valentine’s Day experience. They each can probably give themselves almost anything they might like, but coming from someone else makes it more special and memorable.
Creating memories is what life is all about according to experts in the field of having life fulfillment.

The gift has to match the person for it to be a memorable experience and hit the heart. Not a small task in many relationships. Examples of this are shown in this TV appearance I made in Albuquerque New Mexico.

Matching the Gift to the Person

The Valentine’s Day gift works best if it fits the personality style of the recipient. Often the giver misses the mark. A disappointing Valentine’s Day “gift” is worse than no gift at all.

Am I wrong about this?

As a bestselling author and Certified B.A.N.K. Personality Typing Relationship Trainer and keynote speaker, I feel confident stating that “matching the gift using personality styles is the best approach to hitting a homerun this Valentine’s Day.” This is coming from someone who has had his share of strikeouts, starting in elementary school!

Finding out Your Personality Type

So how do you apply B.A.N.K. Code personality types to choosing the gift or experience? First and foremost, it is always about the other person. Like in sales, you focus on the needs and desires of the other person. Start out by finding out the personality type of your “giftee” (the person receiving the gift).

Step 1: Tell the giftee that you want to really know more about them. Then, go online with them to figure out their code. Go together with them to Four-Cards.com and then each of you “play the cards.”

Step 2: Have your partner share the results with you. Just ask them to read the report that they get in their email to you. Just listen without judgment. Take it in and acknowledge when they say “This is just like me.”

Step 3: Pay attention – these are the keys to making a memorable gift or experience or both. You can even take notes on a piece of paper. Listening with attention while your partner talks about her/himself is very nourishing. That sharing experience alone goes a long way toward setting up the Valentine’s Day experience.

Note of Caution: During the reading you might want to inject your opinion — I suggest just buttoning your lips. Come on, who said love is easy? Still, being quiet and attentive will leave you telling yourself “I’m so glad I followed Dr. Jay’s advice.” Jumping in with your opinion is just your personality speaking – take note if this tendency happens and curb it. (I struggle with this as well.)

In addition to taking notes on the comments about the BANK Code report your giftee makes, here are a few insider tips about how to decide on what to give to create connection, fun, and intimacy. Even with the person who doesn’t express emotions very openly.

Hints on the Four Types

The Four Types are BLUEPRINT, ACTION, NURTURING and KNOWLEDGE. This is why it is called B.A.N.K. code. Because you have already “played the cards” (if you haven’t, do it NOW), you will have an idea about the predominant personality type of your giftee. So what type of events might be most satisfying and show that you care about the other person?

First of all, for the BLUEPRINT type, plan ahead. Tell her/him in advance of what you will do together. No last-minute stuff. Planning ahead will touch the Blueprint type – this is because s/he likes safety.

The NURTURING type likes to take care of others. They might not like the attention on them. So finding a charity event, with lots of hugging, might melt the NURTURING’s heart. Or a family event.

How about the ACTION? Spontaneity and surprise sparks fire in the Action. Even if you make a plan in advance, leave some mystery surrounding what you will do. If they know where and when the event is, still have some surprises in store when you get there. Fun and high energy are their oxygen.

And then there is the KNOWLEDGE. Often less emotive, an intellectual or scientific event (sounds weird for Valentine’s Day, doesn’t it?) is more what resonates with them. (Again, refer to your notes from the “playing the cards” session on what really made them light up and what they identified with. Those notes will help individualize the gift.) Going to a sci-fi movie, a reading of Star Wars poetry, or hanging out at a Comicon-style event will impress the Big Bang Theory type KNOWLEDGE type.

Whatever you end of doing, make it all about them. Listen, sense what is wanted, and have some fun.

Good Luck and let me know with your comments or feedback on how it went!